Life is really one big relationship and finding and keeping that special one (or for some many) can tumbleweed us in all crazy emotional directions. Sometimes the  person we love the most can end up being the person we despise the most.  I can certainly tell you that creating a fulfilling relationship has caused me a great deal of joy and great pain, immense inner searching and immense self discovery, massive personal growth and well actually allowed me to really love the person that deserved it the most, and that was me.

Crazy!! Searching for external love allowed me to truly love myself! One of life’s purposeful punishing paradoxes 🙂

I see many clients in my coaching practice who love their partners, yet hate them at times too and feel like the marriage isn’t the fairytale they’d hoped it to be. You see relationships are one big personal development tool. You can either lose yourself or discover yourself. It’s totally up to you.

Many  T.V series and romantic movies can paint a very unrealistic picture of what a loving relationship looks like, and when many compare their partners to  to the woo of Mathew Mcconaughey in the Wedding Planner or the fun loving Jenifer Aniston in Love Happens the gap can be as large as the darkness in the universe and seem as though you are actually living in parallel universes.

In my experiences with clients, much of their unhappy feelings towards their relationship comes from unrealistic expectations upon their significant other, themselves or even the unrealistic expectation of what a  relationship is “supposed” to look like. Much of my work is enabling them to appreciate their partner for who they are right now, live according to their own values and connecting their values to their partners. This will enhance communication in the relationship and allow for a deeper connection.  This really opened a door for me, or should I say blew up the mountain that was in the way of me lovingly enjoy a fulfilling relationship.

These are a few of my favorite relationship book I’ve read over the years. Each one served it purpose at the time and may or may not be relevant to you. It depends where you are in your relationship development.

1.The heart of Love by Dr. John Demartini

This is certainly a favorite of mine as the work I learn from Dr John Demartini is much of what I share with my clients to promote personal growth and create a vast awareness of themselves, others and the world we live in. This book really helps you understand what drives human behavior specifically in relation to relationships. It can help you love and appreciate yourself and partner even more and awaken the love in any dwindling romance.

2. The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

This book was given to me many years ago by a lady I got to know at the gym. She read it and came to the conclusion that it “was too late” for her and her husband, so she was giving the book away. This book allowed me to understand the unique way we all express or show our love for one another. Our expressions of love can come in many different forms and can often be overlooked by our partner and/or family members. This is totally worth a read.

3. Why Men Don’t Listen and Women can’t Read Maps by Barbara and Allan Pease

First of all I’d like to say that I actually can read maps but that’s beside the point.  This book is a fun and easy read and allowed me to understand some of the intricate differences between men and women. Lets face it our biology is different and that HAS to transpose into every day life. It gave me a deeper awareness of why we act the way we do and a few times I had that “oh, heck, that why I think like that” moment. A quick, fun and entertaining read.

4. Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey

.This book was written by Steve Harvey the American Comedian so at times can be quite amusing. I took some of it with a grain of salt, as I felt it irrelevant but all in all a good read. I was single when I read this book, so the main message I received from it was to set boundaries, big fat juicy boundaries. I’m an advocate of sharing the “you only get what you’re willing to accept” message and this was a big message I got from this book. I learned to really understand what I wanted from a relationship and what I was willing to give. I learned to say “NO, that’s not good enough” when I knew it wasn’t going to serve me and allowed myself and my partner (to be) to meet each others needs in a respectful way.

5. Send me Someone by Diana von Welanetz Wentworth

This book was a warm and fuzzy. It was about a couple who established a beautiful partnership together and then he died of cancer. He didn’t want her to be alone so she asked him to send her someone. A little less of a relationship how to book but a lovely story non the less.

Like everything else in this crazy world we live in, we never received an instruction book on passionate relationships when we showed up here and what works for one may certainly not work for another. It’s important to remember that relationships take time, energy, reflection and patience and to expect your partner knows what you want or need is bordering on insanity. Learning to communicate in your relationship, setting your own individual boundaries and not buying into the illusion that it’s your partners job “to make you happy” in life is the start to creating a long lasting effective relationship.

I’m sure there a zillions of other great books, but these were the ones I stumbled across. The best way to choose a book for you is simply get clear about what you are looking for and simply use your gut feeling to choose.

Happy reading all.

Larissa

photo credit: Dollar photoclub